90's Cell Phone French Diaper Guy & Other Weirdos

 Anyone that has been online for more than five minutes knows the interwebs has a lot of weird/ gross shit. It seems like there is a place that caters to every fetish, no matter how odd, online. People of all persuasions can find their heart's desire. Cool, bro.

Except a lot of those odd kinks end up in my inbox.

Some dudes just wanna be mistreated... In hind sight, this one seems almost tempting ;)

Whatever tickles your pickle...

Others are into feet...

Is the Doritos thing a reference to foot odor?
(shudder)

Granted, as entertaining as these are for the blog, some of these dudes go above and beyond in terms of persistence, creepiness, and the general ick-factor.

Case in point, 90's Cell Phone French Diaper Guy. I posted the first message he ever sent me a few months ago on my FB.

Great laughs were had. 

But as the months have gone by, he persisted. Sadly, I don't have all the screenshots because some of them came before I committed to the idea of blogging this stuff, so you are just gonna have to take my word for it.

At least once or twice a month, this guy would message me from a new account, sometimes on OKCupid, sometimes on Tinder. Every time, the account would get deleted within a day or two, obviously because he was propositioning multiple women at a time.

Me? I have a more of a live and let live, benevolent attitude. I only reported him this one time when he got aggressive.

Well that escalated quickly...

Regardless, when he messaged me again, last night, I decided to try a different approach. Instead of ignoring him, telling him off, or getting him booted off the site, I decided to be more proactive.

Naturally, I googled.

Aw, no super awesome 90's cell phone :(

This is where I sent him:

Great, now Big Brother probably thinks I am into this kinda action. Oh well...
(PS don't mind my cluttered desktop.)

His reaction was better than I expected.  Hopefully I sent him on his merry way...

It's nice to be appreciated. 

Granted, at first I think he got excited because he assumed that since I was directing him to the site that I might be a member... But he backed off nicely. His account has not been deleted yet, so maybe he stopped bothering women and went to the site that caters to his particular brand of kink. Hopefully, he finds that fun loving fecal and diaper-playing woman he has been searching for all these months and they will be able to enjoy a lovely relationship full of golden showers, soiled undergarments, and other things I dare not imagine. 

But if he doesn't and he contacts me again, I'll be sure to keep y'all in the loop.

Any suggestions as to the next line of attack, should he return, are welcome in the comments. 

Let's make Douche Shaming a thing!

It's no secret that, throughout most of my life, I have been a big girl. Naturally, this occasionally attracts messages from dudes looking to call a bitch fat. Being a girl with thick skin (pun intended), I don't usually pay any mind to that kind of hate mail.

Fat shaming is one of the last acceptable forms of bigotry. People think it is okay to put someone down and veil it with, "it's for their own good."  I know, thin women are often also bullied, which is also unacceptable. All forms of body shaming are wrong! We must love and accept ourselves and others no matter how big or small the person in question may be. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, but sadly, so does ugliness.

Last night, I got a particularly surprising batch of nonsensical hate from a dude. This message, which I found particularly offensive,  wasn't even directed toward me. This blows my mind because, although I am at the smallest I have been in over 20 years, and no longer in the plus sizes,  I am by no means, considered thin.

This dude, started off with a question I get often about a picture of me from a visit to a film processing plant, where I was photographed next to some vintage antique movie cameras. It was just a standard conversation starter.

It started off okay. 

But then it went seriously sour...

Wait, what?

 In all my years on these websites, I had NEVER come across someone who wanted to profile bash another woman.  WTF did he think I was going to say? Were we supposed to bond over this? Was he baiting me? This is a whole new batch of hate mongering. My mind has been blown.

Who the fuck does this guy think he is?

Seriously, this guy thinks he's Superman. He even mentions it on his profile in true homoerotic fashion.

I made his t-shirt better. 

 My reply...

I tried to keep things civil.

He didn't respond, like the meat head he is. 

Seriously though, fuck this dude! He is so full of himself, he posted the douchiest of pictures I have EVER seen... Douchier than any and every shirtless selfie, bathroom or workout pic.

This asshat posted a 3D picture of himself on his profile. Sadly, I noticed it after I responded... but here it is, in all its glory, for everyone to see.

I couldn't make this shit up!

If he responds, I will respond and update accordingly. 

Until then, for those of you who have an OKCupid profile and are looking to get into the fun, happy trolling! ;)

You DTF?

So, obviously there are a ton of people looking online for hookups. Great for them. I am not judging. We all have our preferences and a scratch to itch from time to time. It's just not what I am looking to find these days. On my profiles, I clearly state that I am not looking for hookups, booty calls, or one night stands.

This, of course, is seen as a challenge to some... that's if they even bother to read ;)

You know what bothers me more than the DTF? Missing punctuation. It makes my brain hurt :/

If by blunt he means stupid...

Also, in case you didn't know what DTF stands for... (you're welcome)

I'd like to formally thank the cast of The Jersey Shore for bringing DTF into the modern day lexicon.

Over the course of a couple of days, all of this next guys worst traits came out.

1. "U can come to me if ud like." Lazy, both in typing full words and requesting delivery of pussy. Uh, no.
2. If you are bragging about it being "huge" it probably isn't.
3. Let it go, dude. 
4. "I'm only messing with ya." So he is taking it back? Either quit, apologize, or own it. Don't flip flop.  

Actually, size matters a lot, but I still gotta like the dude before that becomes a factor.

In case no means yes...

Reading comprehension FAIL! 

Side rant: I get messages from kids half my age on a daily basis. No amount of filters stops it completely. They find their way around. Which poses a question... Why are there 18 year olds on dating websites anyway? How are they going to learn the nuances of getting rejected in person if they exclusively meet people online? When I came of age, I had to go out to parties or be social. These kids sit online all day playing WOW or COD, eat shit on Instagram and tag each other for likes/ interest and never seem to disconnect. I fear for the next generation. We are breeding people with very stunted and limited social skills.  DAMMIT INTERNET! 

Also, this being South Florida, I get a ton of foreigners.  

This guy reminds me of the foreign guy in the movie, Can't Hardly Wait...
except he knows exactly what he is saying.


"Would you like to touch my penis?"
 
(I do not own this clip, obvs.)

Some guys just need to be sent along their merry way...

He went straight to the point. So did I. 

That's it for this evening... Follow the blog, share it, love it, pop the comment cherry! Stay tuned :)

It's the Tits! Part 2

 In case you missed the first part of this post (for what I suspect will be an ongoing series in my blog), I get a lot of messages regarding my breasts. It boggles my mind how total strangers seem to lose their sense of acceptable conversation starters and comment freely on them to break the ice.  It got to be such a frequent occurrence that I had to put a disclaimer on my profile. Some men react to it with hostility. Others completely ignore it.

Once again, the disclaimer, for your reference.

Some decide to get to the point:

Someone needs to tell this guy referring to a lady's boobs is not a well-mannered trait.

Sometimes they wait until they get my number to bring it up... swoon!

Some love them so much, it brings out the nurturer in them ;)

"Big naturals."

He should have become a nurse.

I honestly didn't see that reaction coming. I figured once I mentioned bloody gauze and oral surgery, he would head for the hills. But no, he wanted to barter "that sexy body" in exchange for his "help." He needs a Nobel Prize in recognition of his selfless humanitarian efforts!


This last guy get's straight to the point but does not at all like me doing the same,  LOL!

Praise the Lord,  a godly man!

I call them as I see them...

So what he is saying is that I am using what I was "blessed with" in a sinful manner? 

'Til next time! I will keep y'all abreast of any further developments. (Yup, I did it again, LOL!)

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